Relationships are tricky, especially since people prefer breaking up with each other rather than, you know, communicating and sorting out the problems they’re facing in the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’ve found the one or have just begun dating – it’s always a tight balance between being close to someone and walking all over their private space, especially if you are two very different individuals with different definitions of space and privacy.
How to Not Be Clingy
Limit your controlling actions
Actions have reactions; always remember this. The first step in the process of not being clingy is to always, always, always be aware the way you behave around him. Keep your biases aside and always remember things like:
Imposing your views on him is not good.
Not giving him any privacy is not good.
Constantly checking his phone, email or social media is not good.
Being by his side 24x7 is not good.
Forcing him to say things he’s not comfortable saying is not good.
If you are going to behave in a manner that he doesn’t like, he’s bound to lash out. So don’t blame him when that eventually happens.
Have a life beyond your man
You’re pathetic. Own up to it. And once that you have, move on. Have a life. Make new friends, talk to more colleagues or just hop on to an anonymous online forum and pour your heart out to a stranger across the world. Do whatever it takes to stop revolving your life around your man.
If you think making friends or talking to strangers is not something up your ally, not a problem. Take up a hobby – try blogging, taking photographs and posting them on Instagram, joining a book club or simply maintaining an online journal. Or if you want to interact with people but don’t know where to begin, volunteer at a local animal shelter. You may or may not bond with the people there, but you’re sure to bond with the cute animals living there!
Work on your trust issues
How to not be clingy? Well, by looking deep at your trust issues. Maybe you cling to him and are by his side 24x7 because of no other reason than that you don’t trust him, which is sad. If you don’t trust him, why are you even with him? Are you THAT afraid of living your life as a single woman?
Work on your anxiety
Possibly, he’s your one and only support when it comes to your nerves. But think of it from his point of view – wouldn't it burden him even more if you put the responsibility of your emotional stability on him? This is all the more reason for you to venture out and make new friends, people you can confide in. If that’s not possible, try yoga or meditation. And while you’re at it, shift to a cleaner, organic, greener and healthier diet. You’ll be surprised how much your diet can influence your state of mind.
Work on your self-esteem
If it’s not one of the reasons above, then it’s definitely your self-esteem. You do not have enough faith in yourself as a partner, as a result of which you tend to cling to your man to reassure yourself that he does like you. The only solution to this problem is to practice self-love. Be kinder to yourself; don’t immediately put yourself down or criticise/judge your actions because they didn’t match up to your impossibly high standards, alright? Self-love is actually one of the best ways on how to not be clingy in your relationship because you start looking inward instead of blaming outside factors for your problem.
Make goals for yourself
And if possible, make them in the following three categories:
You most likely lack ambition of any sort, a major reason why your partner doesn’t respect you or take your choices seriously. So this decision of having goals serves a twofold purpose. First, it keeps you busy and takes your attention away from your man. Second, it will make him see you in a new light because now you’re more in control of your life. And we all know that a man worth his salt is always attracted to a strong and independent woman.
Sit down and talk like adults
Tough, right? But here’s the thing – there is NO alternative to two adults sitting down and having a mature conversation about their relationship. Talk to him and ask him what actions of yours make him uncomfortable. Ask him for alternatives that you could opt for instead and tell him to encourage you when you fail. That way, he not only involves himself in your problems, but will be there for you whenever you falter.
Check your body language
You can do your best at learning how to not be clingy, but know that most people are good at judging/reading the body language of others; their subconscious often tells them about these signs by the manner of a “gut” feeling. So even though you may be trying your best to show him how not clingy you are, your body language could totally betray your thoughts. For example, if you have to constantly touch your man to reassure yourself or check yourself from touching him, then you have a problem. Little things like these can push him away, thus widening the gap in your already bruised relationship. Respect his boundaries. Give him space.