All through your life, there will be some people who will hurt you and wrong you, but the healthy thing for you to do would be to learn how to forgive someone. To keep a grudge, be angry at someone or plot revenge against someone who has wronged you in some way would only make you vengeful and sour, and make you into a bitter person. Knowing how to forgive someone is a great virtue, one that will bring you peace and tranquility in your life, and help you let go of what's bothering you.
10 Proven Tips on How to Forgive Someone
Understand How You Truly Feel
The first things to understand are your true feelings before you want to learn how to forgive someone. It is not uncommon for a person to avoid dealing with their own feelings; most people prefer to hide their emotions rather than face them when they are wronged.
Before you can proceed to forgive someone who has hurt you, you need to understand exactly how much you have been hurt, or how vulnerable you have become. Even if it hurts you to revisit your wounds, do so, because you need to understand the extent of your injury to know how to forgive someone.
Let Go of Your Anger
After you get in touch with your own feelings, comes the really tough part of learning how to forgive someone: letting go of your anger. This can take a long time depending on how hurt or how angry you are with the person who has wronged you, so don't rush it.
Letting go of your anger and your resentment could be hard for you, but once you have accepted the situation and your feelings, you can afford to forgive the person. Acceptance is a big part of forgiveness; unless you learn to accept what has happened to you, you cannot forgive it.
Put It Down on Paper
Writing helps, even when what you have written makes no sense the next day. When you are feeling angry, hurt or resentful, put your feelings down on a piece of paper - everything that you are feeling, the good and the bad. Writing down your feelings, seeing them on a piece of paper helps - it actually helps - to set your emotions free.
When you don't want to talk to anyone about your anger, get them down in writing. You don't have to show that paper to anyone or tell anyone about it; it's just for you - a healthy outlet for your resentment.
Live in the Present
Whoever or whatever has hurt you is in your past; there's no place for it in your present, at all. You have to learn how to live in the present instead of always dwelling in the past.
Remember: the past is over and done with. You cannot keep on remembering what has happened in the past and ruin your present and your future. Focus on everything good that is happening in your present, and allow yourself to live at the moment.
Move On to What's Next
Move on to what's next in your life without looking back or having regrets - that's an important part in forgiving. If you have been hurt in a relationship, forgive and try to look forward to the next one. If you have had bad luck in your career, learn from your wounds and move into the next phase of your life. You are not going to achieve anything by staying still and looking back, or by licking your wounds. Your bad experiences in life should be the ones to push you forward, and only then will you be able to forgive whoever has wronged you.
Don't Blame Anyone
Don't blame anyone too much when you have been wronged. Blaming the whole incident on someone else would encourage revenge and spite in you; on the other hand, blaming yourself would make you feel more victimized than you already are. If you are looking to blame someone, blame the situation or blame what happened. When you put the entire blame on a person who has wronged you, you can never bring yourself to forgive them. The blame game is devastating; it can destroy your peace of mind and your sanity.
Put Yourself in Their Place
Instead of blaming someone, try understanding them. Put yourself into their situation and try to rationalize their actions. It might not be an easy thing to do, but once you can be reasonable, you will be able to forgive someone for doing what they have done.
Be Responsible for Your Part in the Matter
Not blaming yourself does not mean that you would have nothing to do with what happened. No matter how hard it is, try and take responsibility for your actions. If you had something to do with the reason someone has wronged you, be honest about that. Let this bad experience be a lesson for the future, and in order to think that way, you have to know to take responsibility for your own actions.
The first thing people think of after being wronged is revenge, which is never the healthy option. The best way to approach is to be kind towards everyone and let go, even towards the person who has hurt you. Be kind even if you haven't received kindness, because that's the right way to go.
Don't Go Look for Reconciliation
When you have managed to forgive someone, that's it between you! Don't look for reconciliation or plan a future together. When you have let go of the anger and the resentment, let go of the person too. Otherwise, you might be able to forgive someone, but you can't forget them if they are always a part of your life.